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Tree Jokes

A collection of funny tree jokes, puns, riddles, and stories, as well as humor about trees, forests, nature, and the environment.

Tree Jokes

How do trees access the internet?
They log on.

Why do trees make the worst frenemies?
Because they are the best at throwing shade!

What did the tree do when the bank closed?
It started its own branch.

Why did the pine tree get in trouble?
Because it was being knotty.

What did the trees wear to Mother Nature’s pool party?
Swimming trunks!

Do you want a brief explanation of an acorn?
In a nutshell, it’s an oak tree.

What do you get when you cross a tabby cat with a lemon tree?
A sour puss.

A snare drum and a crash symbol fell out of a tree.

What did Betula pendula say to her super-annoying sister?
Leaf me alone, birch!

Did you know that I can cut down a dead tree just by looking at it?
It’s true. I saw it with my own eyes!

What type of tree fits in your hand?
A palm tree.

How do you properly identify a dogwood tree?
By the bark!

What did the beaver say to the tree?
It’s been nice gnawing you!

Where do saplings go to learn?
Elementree school.

Why do trees make great thieves?
Sticky fingers.

Why can’t the lonely evergreen stop thinking about high school?
She’s still pining to be one of the poplar kids.

Which side of a tree has the most leaves?
The outside.

How do bees travel to trees?
They take the buzz.

What is green, has leaves, and a trunk?
A houseplant going on vacation.

Where can Adansonia trees go for a quick trim?
To the baobarber.

Why did the Sugar Maple make an appointment with the dentist?
It needed a root canal.

More Tree Jokes:

What is every single tree’s least favorite month?

What must trees drink responsibly?
Root beer.

What kind of trees do you get when you plant kisses?

Why did the evil queen order her subjects to cut down all the trees in the kingdom?
She was jealous because every one of them had a bigger crown than her.

Why can’t Christmas trees sew?
They always drop their needles.

Did you know that before you became my best friend, I used to hang out with another girl every single day in her super awesome tree house?
It’s true, but unfortunately we had a falling-out.

What tree produces fruit that tastes like chicken?

Why are leaves always involved in risky business?
Because they constantly have to go out on a limb.

How did the idiot get hurt while raking leaves?
Fell out of the tree.

Why do Platanus occidentalis have to see the doctor more than any other trees?
Because they are sycamore.

Did you hear about the big corporation that’s making syrup from supposedly contaminated trees?
They maple their brand off the shelves.

How do you get down from a tree?
You don’t. Down comes from a duck.

Why do dogwood trees make wonderful pets?
They have a great bark, but wooden bite.

What is a triangle palm’s favorite school subject?

What looks like half a spruce tree?
The other half.

Why do trees hate tests?
Because they get stumped by the questions.

What did the rock say when it rolled into the tree?
Nothing. Rocks don’t talk!

What do you call nice trees without any teeth?

How hard is it to count conifers?
It’s as easy as one, two, tree!

Even More Tree Jokes:

What do you give to a sick citrus tree?
Lemon aid.

Which flowering plant is a champion equestrian?
The horse chestnut. (It totally conkers the competition.)

What motorcycle brand do London plane trees ride through the forest?

Did you hear about the elephant that got stuck up a tree last summer?
In order to get down, she had to sit on a branch and wait until fall.

What happened to the wooden car with wooden wheels and a wooden engine?
It wooden go.

What’s the same size and shape as a giant sequoia tree, yet weighs nothing?
A giant sequoia tree’s shadow.

How do trees keep you in suspense?
I’ll tell you tomorrow.

Where do birch trees keep their valuables?
In a river bank.

Why isn’t the squirrel hard at work collecting acorns at the oak tree?
She called in sick and went to the beech.

Which Canadian city is a favorite vacation spot for American trees?

What did the Jedi say to the sacred tree?
May the forest be with you.

What kind of stories do giant sequoia trees tell?
Tall tales.

What is the most frustrating thing about being a tree?
Having so many limbs and not being able to walk.

What is every tree’s favorite shape?
A treeangle.

What football player do tree leaves root for?
Rustle Wilson.

What happens to the most lovely trees every Valentine’s Day?
They get all sappy.

Why do trees love watching Star Trek?
They can relate to the Captain’s log.

What cruelty-free fashion do stylish evergreens wear?
Faux fir.

Why did the banana tree make a doctor’s appointment during a terrible storm?
Because her fruit was peeling under the weather.

What do you get when you cross a tree with an artificial waterway?
A root canal.

Tree Riddles:

What weighs more, a pound of leaves or a pound of logs?
They both weigh the same.

There are 52 birds perched on a single tree branch. A poacher comes along and shoots one of those birds twice. How many birds are on the tree branch now?
There are no birds on the tree branch now. The bird that was shot fell off, and the rest of the birds flew away after the first shot.

I’m the part of a tree that is not in the sky or under the ground. I can move throughout the day and change shape. What am I?
Its shadow.

What gets a year older whenever it rings?
A tree.

Now we want to see your best tree jokes! So, what’s your favorite joke about trees, being in the woods, or gardening? Send your tree jokes to us via email if you’d like to see them featured here on the Trees Group site.

If you like these tree jokes, we encourage you to check out some of the best forest jokes, tree quotes, and forest quotes from all over the world.